Interview with Zeb Malloy

Here is the sixth and final character interview with the Malloy family, who have taken centre stage in Neighbours Series II – Keeping Up With the Neighbours. Meet Zeb Malloy!

Q: Welcome, Zeb. You’re the last Malloy sibling to be interviewed.

A: Saved the best fer last, eh, b’y?

Q: We’ve had some pretty interesting interviews and your name has come up a few times.

A: What kind of malarkey have they been feeding you? Can’t believe everything ya hears.

Q: Nothing too bad, don’t worry! Tell us where you fit in to the clan.

A: I’m next in line to Jed, if that’s what you mean. We gots an older sister, too. Fanny, and then a passle more after. Not sure why the folks didn’t just stop after three. Ha! There wasn’t much point since they got perfection the third time around! What? Don’t look so all fire shocked! I’m just joshing with ya. I loves my entire family – the whole lot of ‘em. Wouldn’t trade any one of ‘em for the all the gold in China. Or was that tea?

Q: Since you and Jed are next to one another in age, I’m assuming that you’re pretty close. Have you ever been in a fight?

A: Lard tunderin! That’s a funny one and no mistake. We been fighting since we were in diapers – maybe before. I’ve had more than a few scraps with Jed, that’s for sure. Not sure when he’s gonna learn that he just can’t beat me when it comes to a fight! Mind you, it’s all in fun. Mostly.

Q: So you’re saying you usually win?

A: Course! All joking aside, Jed can hold his own. We just do it for fun. It’s our way. No real harm in it.

Q: Is that why you were both seen sporting black eyes shortly after Christmas?

A: You saw that, did you? He had quite the shiner, that’s for sure. I guess I did, too, but I avoided the mirror.

Q: You were the second one of the family to leave your home province of Newfoundland. Tell us about your decision to do so.

A: Work, plain and simple. Lots of folks left home and moved west when the fisheries went south. Oil patch mostly. That’s what I did. Moved to Fort McMurray almost four years ago now. Some folks call Fort Mac ‘little Newfoundland’ cause there are so many of us there. If everyone moved back home that’s left for the west, we’d double the size of the province, b’y!

Q: You’ve been credited with giving your siblings some interesting nicknames.

A: You mean Pip and Reba. Pip’s real name is Steve, but the story goes I called him Pip-squeak once and it stuck. I don’t remember it exactly, but that’s what I’m told. I call Reba ‘Spitfire’ but that one didn’t catch on as good. I’m the only one to call her that, but she doesn’t seem to mind. I have names for the rest of them, too, but you probably aren’t allowed to print them here.

Q: I hear you’re quite the ladies’ man. Is that true?

A: I like women, if that’s what you mean. I don’t mind admitting it.

Q: And they seem to like you, too, if what I hear is correct. What do you attribute that to?

A: Hm. Not sure, exactly. It’s just the way it is, I guess.

Q: Your brother Pip said it was a gift.

A: About him or me?

Q: He was speaking of himself, but he also mentioned, and I quote, “they flock to him (meaning you) like flies to honey.”

A: Sounds like Pip – the first part, I mean! As far as the rest goes, I’m not keeping tabs or anything like that. I’ve had a lot of women friends, if you know what I mean, and then moved on. I’ve never been one to make promises I can’t keep. ‘Here for a good time, not a long time’ and all that. I make no apologies, though. I am what I am.

Q: What’s your take on love?

A: I just told you.

Q: I don’t think so. I mean real love, as in a committed relationship.

A: I can’t really comment cause I don’t think I’ve ever had the misfortune of falling in love.

Q: Why do you call it a misfortune?

A: I’m not sure I’m the ‘commitment’ kind. Just can’t be bothered getting tied down just yet – although that doesn’t mean it’ll never happen.

Q: But if the right one came along?

A: Stranger things have happened, eh? Not making any promises, though… I mean, the sky could fall, too.

Q; So, for now you are a confirmed bachelor?

A: You got that right, b’y. As confirmed as they come, and then some.

Q: Thanks for joining me. Maybe I’ll interview you again in about a year from now. It’ll be interesting to see where you end up.

A: You know something I don’t?