Reflections

It’s the end of May. Two years ago at this exact time I underwent open heart surgery. It was a defining moment in my life, bringing clarity about what’s important. Two years later life is back to ‘normal’ in most respects, and in some ways I feel sad about that. The deep sense of ‘non-urgency’ – determination to enjoy every moment without stressing over it and just BE – has passed, I think, and I find myself falling back into old patterns like worrying about productivity. (Or lack there of.)

One year ago I made another huge change. Last year at the end of June I retired from a long career as a public school teacher. Now, almost one year later, I wonder how the time went so quickly while I have so little to show for it. I just knew that once I was no longer tied to my day job I’d be cranking out three or four novels per year. REALITY CHECK… That has not been the case at all.

Yes, I did take on another job as a support teacher for a distance learning school, so technically I am not retired from teaching. I really enjoy this new job and love working with the homeschooling families that I support. I also started substitute teaching at the local high school. Those two combined kept me busy enough, but add to that my new responsibilities as president of InScribe, a Canadian organization for Christian writers, some more health issues and eye surgery, and some other family ‘stuff’ which kept me away from home for nearly seven weeks.., I really didn’t focus on writing like I thought I would. I imagined writing as my new career – waking early and putting in hours of productive time each day.

But summer is here, now, too and it is beautiful outside. Perhaps I’ll take some more time off and just enjoy the greenery… I think the new normal is potentially better than the old with its focus on production. Instead, I think I’ll allow myself the luxury to just BE, after all. A lesson two whole years in the making.